I met my husband online and it was the best decision of my life.
Here are five things to remember if you find yourself joining an online dating service:
1. Patience- Take your time filling out your personal profile. Think about your life and how you spend your work time and your play time. Make sure you list all of the activities you like to do on weekends and holidays. Are you an outdoor person, who is very active with outdoor sports? Is practicing your religion very important to you? Don't settle. If you are serious about finding your mate, then think about your profile as a resume. Opposites don't attract for a good relationship. Try to look for someone like you.
2. Safety- Never meet before talking on the phone and emailing a few times. You can ask some questions and get a feeling for the person before you decide to get together. Some people say one thing, but do another. Find out exactly what sports they play or what's important to them.You should have a good idea for questions from their profile. If they only talk about themselves and don't ask about you, that could be a sign that they are self absorbed. Write a list of questions down to ask them. It's almost like a job interview!
3. Honesty- Meet in a public place, like a diner or mall, for coffee or lunch. Now you get the chance to feel their chemistry and see if they were honest with their profile picture. So many times, I'd meet someone and their hair was gone, or their voice was gruff or they gained fifty pounds since the profile picture was taken, and were not at all like they sounded on the phone. Outdoor activities like kayaking, and hiking are important to me. Make sure that they didn't participate in those sports twenty years ago and thought it would be nice to list them. Also, don't reveal your last relationship's prowess in the bedroom. Some people do that, and it is damaging to you both if the relationship goes forward. It can also be a big turnoff for the other person.
4. Compassion- Let them down easy. If your first meeting told you that this person was not your type, tell them that in a nice way. Once I met a gentleman, but after coffee, I told him that I enjoyed our time, but he looked very much like my brother. He understood that I wasn't going to go out again. Another thing to say is that you think they have too much energy, and you couldn't keep up with them. Or you are too active, and don't spend a lot of time home. Let them know if they are not what you are seeking. If they are into outdoor sports, and you are not, they'll understand.You and your potential partner should be honest from profile to the first date. However, you don't have to give gory details of your past relationships. That is a turn off. Remember, you are starting over! Keep it light!
5. Excitement- Great! You found someone who presented themselves well in their profile, on the phone, with email, and after meeting for coffee. Set up another date which allows you to participate together in one of your shared interests. Notice if they are competitive with you, or are supportive. Be aware of body language and conversation that shows you if you want a third date. After a couple of meetings, you will know.
Maybe it's fate, or a divine plan for our lives, but if using an online dating service is the only way to meet someone who could become part of your life, register now! My husband and I are very grateful that the technology existed. We would never have met.
Visit http://www.lifebeginsafter50.wordpress.com/ for more stories about a better life after 50. Mary D. Bogin is a retired teacher. She holds a Masters in Art Education, and became certified as a reading teacher. She taught adult literacy, and enjoys writing about topics that improve the human condition. Re-married to a wonderful husband after 50 brought her to hiking the Grand Canyon, whitewater kayaking and all outdoor sports. As a grandmother of 4+, her passion is visiting with her family, art, encouraging literacy, and working with historical groups for preservation and conservation of natural resources. She is currently writing a fictional book about the exile of the Jewish Essenes in the year 2125.
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